When you’re in a relationship, or you’re having casual sex, even if you’re happy, sex can sometimes become boring or samey. It can depend on lots of different things from stress levels, to work, tiredness, hormones, low libido, health conditions, or even theseasons!If things have gotten a little monotonous, it might be time to spice things up! Here are some of the ways you can mix it up in the bedroom to bring you both extra satisfaction for better sex and more orgasms!
Despite what you see in the movies, spontaneous sex isn’t the only type of good sex. Planned sex can just as pleasurable, and when you’re in a long-term relationship, sometimes you have to plan it for it to happen, and that might mean going to bed earlier instead of watching that binge-worthy Netflix series.
World-renowned psychotherapist and modern relationships expert, Esther Perel, says, “Long-term sex is premeditated, intentional, wilful and conscious – it only happens because you willingly attribute value to it.”
“Anticipation and teasing are essential. The more a person anticipates sex, the more they become aroused. It also is great for putting us in the right headspace and reducing distractions. Flirt all day. Think of it like a striptease – build up the anticipation throughout the day or even week. Send sexy texts throughout the day, but only a tease: a hand wandering down the boxers; the sharing of a sexual fantasy that involves the person. A good template for a sext is past and future – recall a past sexual experience with them and then state something you would like to do in the future with them,” suggests sex therapist Helen Birch.
When it comes to sex, it’s not always about what happens in the bedroom. Communication is key. "One of the best ways to spice up your sex life is to deepen your own self-awareness and capacity for pleasure and intimacy. The more you know yourself, the more of yourself you have to bring to your erotic encounters,” suggests somatic sex therapist Rebecca Lowrie.
“Be willing to be open and curious to try new things. What would you try if you felt safe and comfortable? Be willing to communicate your desires and when your partner does the same, listen with respect and care.” Talk about sexual fantasies (but remember not to judge!) and bring some to life if you choose to.
When you’re planning a raunchy night, consider the fluctuation in hormones at different times of the month. Women and men experience sexual desire differently. “In a man, testosterone production is constant whereas for women it peaks around ovulation. Testosterone is highly implicated in libido, meaning that men can have a more constant desire for sex than women,” says health expert, Claire Snowdon-Darling.
Find stress-relief with CBD
Stress and sex don’t mix. When cortisol (the stress hormone) levels rise, testosterone dips and low testosterone means low libido for both men and women. Stress management techniques and stress supplements can work wonders. Some men find it difficult to talk about their feelings, but calling a friend, writing it down (even in your phone notes) can help to get things off your chest, along with regular exercise, yoga, meditation, or spending time in the great outdoors. Take care of yourself outside of the bedroom with stress management techniques so that when it’s time for sex, you can both switch off and have fun.
If you want some instant stress relief, look to CBD. Taken in an oil tincture, or as a gummy, CBD can provide you with a sense of calm to help you relax before sex. Not only does it help you leave your worries at the door, but it boosts blood flow which increases sensitivity, promotes the body’s natural lubrication, and helps to relieve pain (which can be a problem for women who experience discomfort from sex due to vaginal dryness). Look out for combinations with natural aphrodisiacs like Tribulus for an extra libido-boost for her! (CBD doesn’t contain THC, so it won’t make you high, but it will make you feel relaxed – ideal for those who suffer from anxiety around sex.)
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Prioritise sleep & balanced nutrition
If either one of you is tired, this never plays out well beneath the sheets. Either that or you’ve fallen asleep before you even get there! Getting 7-10 hours of sleep each night and eating a varied, well-balanced diet can help you to sustain your energy throughout the day, and ensure that you’re not deficient in any key vitamins and minerals that keep your body (including your sexual health) in good working order.
Low self-esteem and lack of confidence can play a part in the bedroom too. Taking good care of yourself with regular exercise and healthy nutrition can help you to feel more confident naked!
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Give your libido & energy a boost
If you’re experiencing low libido or your sexual performance has taken a dip, try energy-boosting supplements, and aphrodisiacs likemaca,cordyceps mushroom andashwagandhafor extra oomph! They can increase testosterone levels to boost sexual drive and blood flow to the genitals, enhance sexual performance, stamina and reduce stress, which all tend to fare well in the bedroom!
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Use foreplay & sex toys
Get creative with foreplay before you move to the main attraction. While quickies can be great and have their place, if you know you’re having sex, start by setting the scene. Put on some music and light some candles or incense to get you both in the mood. Start by experimenting with pressure and touch. A sensual oil massage can help you to relax and ease into it. You could even use props like feathers and eye masks. Just trying something different, like a sex position you haven’t done before, can ignite a fire you didn’t know was there!
“Sex toys are a great way to add novelty and variation into sex. Sex toys can extend pleasure and foreplay. They can be used for physical pleasure on a partner, leaving your hands free to explore the rest of the body. They are a great way to appreciate your partner's pleasure and boost your own pleasure,” says Birch.
Adding a vibrator into the mix can make for a more intense pleasure experience for you, plus considering most women reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation, it could help her reach climax too!
“For men, there are lots of sex toys which can be used such as masturbation sleeves, blow job stimulators, and even one where the tightness and suction can be controlled via your phone. This is great for adding a bit of kink, teasing and submission as you are surrendering your own pleasure and putting the power in someone else's hands,” shares Birch.
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Book a staycation (or sex-cation)!
Spending quality time together outside the bedroom will improve your relationship which will, in turn, improve your sex life, so book a sexy weekend away. Reigniting that connection by breaking out of the routine and doing something new can help you remember why you like spending time together. It will help you to relax, and rediscover that spark. Plus, you don’t have to worry about distractions or doing the washing up!
Let’s talk about sex!
The great thing about spicing up our sex life is that it’s never-ending. Just like other things in life, it will have its ups and downs (pun intended) but it's up toyouto stay curious and be open to new things to keep the passion alive and good times rolling!